I Am Worried

Well today I have been sitting on the floor in my room doing homework and procrastinating instead of on my bed or even on a chair. Why? I don't know, I guess I just like a change in perspective once in a while.

What that has to do with anything I don't know


Well I just got off the phone with my mom. And now that she knows I'm in grade 12, she has realised that I will be going to university next year. And, more importantly, of legal age to move wherever. Which, of course, means I will be moving in with her, right? I don't know. I had already made plans to move to Toronto with my dad, who has already graciously allowed me to only go to university for one year before being able to do what I really want (i.e. move back to go to MCC). But to try to explain this to my mom... I don't know. I tried and she got angry. I'm totally scared for her, I don't know where she is, what she's doing, or anything. And she'll call randomly just because I'm her daughter and I cna't make out half of what she's saying and the other half she is getting worked up about anything and everything and the last thing I want is for her to be angry because when she's angry who knows what will happen and she got angry and I don't know what will happen. What plans do I have for my life? I have no idea. I feel lost because I don't know where to turn, eveyrone's pulling me into so many directions all at once. I'm moving to Toronto next year - my dad has already made it clear. I love him to death but I don't know how I feel about moving back. And going to university. Going to university (especially the University of Toronto) was something I really wante to do, but just not so soon. As in I want to go for a year of MCC first. But mentioning it to my dad... well actually right now mentioning anything to my dad is hard because of the language barrier. I am losing more and more chinese and he is losing more and more english. Before we used to be able to get by with just the basics, but now... good thing Mike is home now to translate or else I would never be able to converse with him. Which is scary. I cna't talk to either of my parents. But yeah.. I'm worried about next year. If I move to Toronto that means I have to somehow explain to my mom that she will have to wait another year. Because if you know them you know that they do NOT get allong with each other at all. Like honestly, someone will get hurt, that is a fact. So the next best thing is for her to move to PEI when I move to MCC, which means I will have to rent an apartment for both of us, get a job so I can provide for both of us (now that she's not getting money from my dad anymore), and who knows what might happen? But to provide for two people would need a full-time job and that means I cna't go to MCC, and I know my dad won't foot the bill for both. And plus I'm scared of what might happen if I do go to MCC while she is here. I mean I've lived with her before and gone to school and stuff and things went reasonably well but still... it's unpredictable.

I dont'know what's going to happen, I don't even know where or when or even how and why. But what I do know is this: I've got to stop worrying (like it's not doing any good anyways) and remembering to put my trust in the One holds it all in His hands (i.e. God). For those of you who wonder why I have F.R.O.G. in random places, it's because I want to remember to keep Forever Rely(ing) On God. It's hard going from being reasonably independent and relying on yourself and learning to rely on someone else and becoming totally dependent. Ahh deep breaths!

Whoo whoo whoo.

Well now that I have that over with I will get back to finishing my english and math. I hope the teacher does a homework check because there are FOURTEEN freaking questions and how she expects us to do it all in one night I dont'know. Maybe it's because we're lazy but also maybe because WE HAVE A FOUR PAGE SMALL FONT REVIEW SHEET QUESTIONS FOR THE ITS-GOING-TO-BE-FREAKING-HARD MATH TEST TOMORROW. Yes, that sounds like a good reason to me.

Tioraidh ma-tha! (see you later.. just thougth I'd throw in some gaelic in there, you know, sicne this is gaelic month and everything). How to pronounce? Cheer-ree ma-ha. Enjoy your new found Gaelic knowledge.

Newfound? Newfoun? Newfin? or maybe even Newfun?
How do you pronounce it?!

I was talking about Newfoundland by the way, in case you thought I was going whacko. Which I probably am...